Disclaimer: when I started this blog it was never my intention to post anything too personal, but the support I had by speaking and reading about other people’s stories made me never lose hope. I truly wish my story inspires other women to never give up, not matter what.
When I had Suri a midwife told me the following words: “After having a child and going through birth many women say, never again! Then the time goes by and the good memories of a baby are stronger than the less good ones so you decide to have another one. Then comes labour and you think to yourself, why did I do it again??????
This was exactly what happened to me, the whole process took me 4 years but finally our family was ready to receive another child. Suri’s biggest wish.
Unlike with Suri who took me 6 months to get pregnant for this one it only took 2 months. In January 2016 I found out I was pregnant! We were over the moon!
The bump grew much quicker than with Suri and soon you could easily notice I was pregnant, everything was going well so we told Suri. The 12-14 weeks scan was booked for the 21st of March and by that time I was “so pregnant” and so well that we’ve decided to tell our parents a couple of days before the scan.
As Suri already knew we picked her up from the nursery and took her to the scan to see the baby for the first time.
“Are you sure you are pregnant?”. “Yes!”. “Who told you you were pregnant?”
My heart stopped and I wanted to disappear! Immediately told Bruno to go outside with Suri, this was the end.
The sonographer finally found the foetus, it was dead since 7 weeks old, I had a silent miscarriage. (On the 15th of February I was sent to the ER because I was not well and had spent the whole weekend in bed, no bleeding, no pain, just so unwell that couldn’t leave the bed or eat properly. They gave me parecetamol and sent me home, I was 7 weeks pregnant, no one even bothered doing a scan or anything. Of course I don’t know but in my mind it happened on that weekend).
The sonographer then gave me a map and a report and told me I needed to go to another department, I went there and gave the paper to reception who were not sure who should I see. In that place there were a lot of pregnant women waiting to see a doctor or midwife, what was I doing there?
Then a kind nurse (not sure if she was a nurse but she worked there) asked me if I was ok because she noticed I was not well and I told her what happened, she said that I shouldn’t be there and took me to a more private room saying that she would call me if they called my name. By coincidence the girl was Portuguese (I wish I could remember her name to thank her). After a while she brought her manager to me and quickly they realised that I had been misinformed, that was the antenatal clinic! After a lot of I’m so sorry and we will escalate this mistake, I was sent to the Gynaecology Emergency Room (Gynae ER).
The process started there and two days later I was having my first ERPC.
When I announced my miscarriage on Instagram I found out that many women I knew went through the same but soon after they had a full pregnancy and a healthy baby, that gave us hope and will to try again as soon as we could.
Unfortunately there were other plans reserved for us. On the 6th of June I had an hysteroscopy and my second ERPC after abdominal pain and cramps plus no period, there were still rests of tissue and placenta inside me.
You would think it was resolved then but no, two hours or so before the picture below being taken I was wearing white trousers and a blouse. We were shopping and suddenly my trousers turned red inside one of the shops, the panic, the shame, I don’t even know what I felt at that time. I left the shop wearing sports shorts that Bruno bought there and headed home to change. I didn’t let that ruin my day, left home again and went for ice-cream with Suri and Bruno.
On the 4th of July had to go back to Gynae ER, this time with ongoing heavy flooding and clotting bleeding accompanied by pain. After my calls the previous weeks saying that I was bleeding too much and hearing back that it could just be my period, flooding the waiting room with blood got their attention and same day I had another surgery. At this time they though it was an artery inside the uterus so I had an uterine artery embolisation.
On the 14th of July we travelled to Portugal on holidays, all seemed to be ok and I could finally enjoy the sun and relax. Until I started having nose bleeding followed by vaginal bleeding a few days later. Thankfully it was time to go back to Lisbon (we were in Vilamoura, Algarve) and after more bleeding I went to a Gynaecology Emergency Room there. They gave me medication to stop the bleeding but didn’t want to take it further as I was going back to London in a couple of days and I was being followed there.
This picture was taken just before I had to leave the table rushing to the loo because I was bleeding again and after spending the morning at the hospital as mentioned above. Nothing would stop me from enjoying the holidays and most of all, letting my family enjoy it as well.
On this day I never though I could make it to this wonderful picnic, I was bleeding so badly that I couldn’t leave the bathroom at home. I made it there but then had to spend most of the time inside a bathroom because couldn’t stop bleeding, or sitting down as it would ease the bleeding. Even so we had the most lovely morning together and the picnic was amazing.
On the 8th of August already in London I had my third ERPC. I had chronically infected retained products of conception. Two coils (again) and a lot of medication (again) and a couple of exams (again) and they told me that nothing was left, all would be good now.
I had my follow up appointments in September and October where I complained about severe pain but all seemed fine apart from that. The pain got better as well but by December my period was disappearing and the endometrium was too thin with no improvement.
On the 27th of March 2017 and after different appointments and exams they confirmed that I had Asherman syndrome.
I had a hysteroscopic adhesiolysis + insertion of coils again + medication.
And as one it’s not enough I had the second again in May.
Then further a HSG as I was still not well they found out that there was still adhesions plus the right tube was not working.
On the 18th of September 2017 I had my last procedures: a Laparoscopy + dye test + Hysteroscopy + Adhesiolisys + coils and medications. Left tube was working but right tube confirmed to be not working.
After two follow up appointments on the 23rd of November I was finally told that everything was fine with (except the right tube of course) and that I was free to try to get pregnant again, I cried on my way home.
Then the miracle happened! Just before traveling to Portugal in December I noticed that my period was late and did the test, I was PREGNANT!!!!
When I told Bruno we were both excited and panicking, the fear of something going wrong was very strong but our happiness couldn’t be matched.
This time we decided to keep it a secret to everybody until last week :).
It was one year and eight months full of pain, tears and uncertainty, I heard things like “Who did this to you?” and “Are you sure you want to continue this after all you’ve been through” from the doctors.
And “When are you going to give Suri a little sister or brother to Suri?”, “You two should have another baby!”, “Suri needs a baby sister or brother!” from family members who knew all I was going through.
Plus Suri’s confusion of what happened to the other baby, why would we have to wait more time to have our baby… She prayed for a baby sister or brother until she lost hope. I only found out that later and gave her hope to believe again, until it happened. 🙂
But MIRACLES DO HAPPEN and I’m now 13 weeks pregnant. It’s a high risk pregnancy but I truly believe we will have a healthy baby girl in our arms in August.
Do you never ever give up, ALWAYS be positive and believe, keep fighting, remember of my story when you feel low and feel free to email me or DM me on Instagram if you need some support.
I really hope my story inspires other women who are going or will go through a similar situation than mine.